My brain says no but my pants say off.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
