I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's get the cat blown out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
