tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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