U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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