thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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