I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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