In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
