WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
