Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
