she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
