Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
