she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
