I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
