I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
