you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
