i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
