Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
