Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
