Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
