i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
