Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't deserve a penis
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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