Plan B is the new Plan A
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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