So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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