I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize