our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
