trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
