I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
