He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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