if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
