i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
