Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
