Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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