i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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