Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize