you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
