Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
