dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
