She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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