thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
