I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
