this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
