You can't motorboat a personality
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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