It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
