you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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