All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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