I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Too much gin, very little bucket
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
