I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
