What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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