I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
