I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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