fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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