yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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