The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
