I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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