Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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