Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
