Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
