Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My pussy is not your playground.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
