I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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