And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
