I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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