dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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