I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
