also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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