Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
false alarm. still invincible.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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