I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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